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[January 17, 2008 | 07:30 PM] before i moved, i had a very special dream, though i didn't realise it was very special at the time. *** i was lying on a grassy hill, somewhere in the alps. the mountains looked so real, so lifelike. my surroundings were so familiar, so homely that is almost seemed as if i had been living in the alps for my entire life. by the looks of the weather, it was clearly springtime; neither cold, nor hot. the colours were so vivid...it was beautiful. as i lay in the grass, i stared up at the sky. above me was a rainbow, so amazing, so ethereal. the longer i stared at the rainbow, the more it hypnotised me. in fact, i drew all my attention. soon, i found myself gently floating away from the ground, towards the rainbow. it was like a magnetic attraction. and then, before i knew it, i was inside the very rainbow itself. dreamy prisms of colour were falling upon the mountains below me. though i was now in the rainbow, i noticed that i hadn't stopped moving. i was flowing down the curve of the rainbow, to the place were the pot of gold would be, presumably. i reached the pot of gold, though what awaited me there certainly wasn't treasure. i looked into the pot, and saw a reflection of ehrenfeld. it soon began to dawn on me that i was dreaming. the illusion started to slip away...i desperately tried to stay asleep, to keep the dream alive, but to no avail... five hours later, wide awake, i found myself on a plane out of ehrenfeld. *** almost two months later, i am here, in poland. happy. i still reflect on my dream, wondering if it meant anything. i decided to look up, on google, what it meant for rainbows to appear in your dreams. here is what experiencefestival.com says: rainbow. always a positive symbol. no matter what the rest of the dream implies, if the dream ends with a rainbow, particularly if you find the pot of gold, the dream is a portent of the end of all your troubles followed by much happiness. on that note, i have a question for you: do you think your dreams mean anything? do you think they can predict the future in some subtle (or very obvious) way? alternatively, you can share your favourite dream with me. ♥

a follow-up. [January 11, 2008 | 05:40 PM] this is a follow-up to my post about music yesterday. these are 10 songs that i have been listening to quite often, as of late. you are welcome to download them, and tell me what you think! they're not all in english, but i am quite certain that you don't need to understand the lyrics to see that they are simply amazing songs. i firmly believe that music helped me get to where i am today. enjoy... 1. elephant gun - beirut.m4a if i was young, i'd flee this town i'd bury my dreams underground as did i, we drink to die, we drink tonight 2. den her sang handler om at få det bedste ud af det - under byen.m4a på besøg hos onkel læderstol i det private bibliotek skal hun lære at dy sig? skal hun lære at te sig? 3. our hell - emily haines & the soft skeleton.m4a there's a pattern in the system there's a bullet in the gun that's why I tried to save you but it can't be done it can't be done 4. give all to love - niobe.m4a give all to love ...leave all for love yet, hear me, yet one word more your hear behoved one pulse more of firm endeavour... 5. figs tree - milenasong.m4a the courtyard's shut doors have made me walk through here i've said farewell guess i dared true spell 6. glósóli - sigur rós.m4a nú vaknar þú allt virðist vera breytt eg gægist út en er svo ekki neitt ur-skóna finn svo a náttfötum hún i draumi fann svo eg hékk á koðnun? 7. genua - gustav.m4a lass uns nach genua fahren liebling schwing dich auf die vespa, schatz lass uns strand finden unter dem pflaster der revolution 8. soft rock star (jimmy vs. joe remix) - metric.m4a bubblegum bought martini is nothing like dépanneur red wine travel through time who were you after you were mine 9. hamburg song - keane.m4a will you see me in the end or is it just a waste of time trying to be your friend just shine, shine, shine shine a little light shine a light on my life and warm me up again 10. heartbeats - josé gonzález.m4a ten days of perfect tunes the colors red and blue we had a promise made we were in love

music. [January 10, 2008 | 10:39 AM] we have some interesting music lying round here. my friend, kristina, is an avid music collector. so absolutely no limewire here. kristina travels all over europe and the rest of the world, finding the music that she loves. after she has brought it back home to poland, she goes to her special music room and places the new cds on one of the tall shelves. take a look around, she says. find something that makes you smile. so i did. my jaw aches from smiling. my ears are ringing with sounds. i feel like i'm floating. as i type this, stacks of new music i found are sitting on top of the desk by the computer. i've discovered something absolutely amazing from every genre of music. ambient: loscil. electronic: messer für frau müller. singer-songwriter: damien rice. post-rock: sigur rós. indie-pop: architecture in helsinki. folk: vashti bunyan. classical: henryk górecki. lounge: bossa nostra. jazz: arve henriksen. and then, so many more. i had no clue that i had been missing out on such great music. and i've finally realised how powerful music can be. depending on what it is, it can effect your mood. it can make you sad. it can make you happy. music can stir up memories that you had forgoten about; both beautiful and horrible. it can help you heal, or, it can hurt you. with music, a grey day can become beautiful, a sunny day can become darker. i think i'll go for a walk know. it's dark, but i feel safe here. and with music, i feel even better. ♥

moving. [January 03, 2008 | 09:01 PM] well, i've finally done what i've been meaning to do my whole life. i moved away. to europe. wrocław in poland, to be precise. and what can i say, except that i am completely speechless. my whole life, i had been dreaming of getting away from ehrenfeld, pennsylvania. when would my life finally begin? well, i would have never thought that it would be at the age of 16. and then, all of a sudden, i find myself being carried away to the john murtha johnstown-cambria county airport. what brought this on? surely not my parents. whether i leave ehrenfeld, or stay in ehrenfeld, they don't care. my friends back home...well, i don't have any, so there's nothing stopping me there. no, what brought this on was sheer determination. i was determined to be happy. and so, i talked to my parents, climbed into the car, and left. to be completely honest, i had no idea where i would go. i was certain that i would leave the united states...in my mind's eye, europe would be ideal. i thought about my friends in europe...who could i live with? who could and would want to live with me? the city/town couldn't be too expensive either. i had been saving up money for a while but i knew i didn't have enough to live somewhere big...london, paris, berlin; cities like this were out of the question. after a lot of thinking, and phone-calls to my friends, i decided that my new home would be wrocław, poland. an airplane ticket was bought, and, in 10 hours, i would throw off my shackles and leave ehrenfeld for ever. for the course of the entire flight, i was restless. seated in the cheapest seats economy class could offer, i was stuck in between an old polish woman and a twenty something year old german male. not knowing how to speak either polish or german, i remained silent for most of the flight. inside, though, i was ecstatic. i had never flown in a plane before, and at first, it was terrifying. the weather wasn't too great...i thought the aircraft was going to drop from the sky and fall into the fields below. bump, bump, turn, drop, bump...that is basically how most of the take-off went...i think i'll have a permanent scar on my leg, from my nails digging so hard into it! once at a cruising altitude, though, things got better. you could not believe how excited i was...i took in everything around me. the chatter of the passengers, the steady roar of the engine, the horrible taste of the food offered...to me, it was simply wonderful. 9 sleepless hours later, the airplane pulls into the copernicus airport in wrocław. my friend was waiting for me there, and i have to admit, there was a lot of smiling, hugging, and even crying when we saw each other. i desperately needed some good food (for cheap) so we found a milk bar and ate there. hmmm...for a meal so inexpensive (about $3) it was amazingly good; simple polish cuisine that fills you up and warms your body. after that, my friend and i arrived at her lovely home. i slept for 12 hours straight; never had a bed felt so comfy. the past month has been a blur. i didn't ever think that life could be so wonderful. i am more happy than i ever have been. a lot has changed. i've started a healthy diet and finally get some exercise every day. music...wow -- my friend's home is filled with it, and all types too. i found some stuff that i couldn't believe i had been missing out on. i still keep in contact with my parents, though (and i am somewhat ashamed of this) i don't miss them very much. i take polish classes now. i feel so grateful to be surrounded by these wonderful people. here in wrocław, there's great shopping, beautiful architecture, kind people...the list goes on. i feel inspired, enlightened, and most important, happy. ♥

sorry. [October 23, 2007 | 07:07 PM] sorry for not posting or commenting. i really am sorry. i've just been so busy and my computer keeps crashing. i don't know when will be the next time that i post. but i'll be back soon, i promise. anyway, i just want to tell you about something. swissair. she's only 14 years old and she writes a simply amazing music review blog here on livejournal. seriously, check it out...there is music there that we haven't ever heard of, music that should be heard. she just started on the weekend. really, check out her livejournal....friend it, leave a comment. this should be known about. so, i'm sorry i left you guys because i really missed you! i'll be back!

relax. [October 06, 2007 | 06:54 PM] if i could update my livejournal with any real consistancy i would, but that would be against my nature. i can't help that i am just so random. one day i will post a million times and after that i won't post for a month and then...well, you get the point. there is no point in trying to stop this silly cycle. it's just not possible. so you guys -- just hang in with me. i'm always here, even if it may not appear so. i went to my dad's house today (my parents are divorced, for those of you who didn't know). if i were to sum up today's events in one word, it would have to be...disasterous. me and my dad don't get along. we just don't. it's like we're not even related. i am quiet, he is loud. i want to stay inside, he wants to go outside. and whenever i'm around him, everything just seems to go wrong. when i arrived at his house, he gave me such a big hug that i dropped my cellphone -- which shattered into pieces. when we were preparing dinner he spilt tomato paste all over my new shoes. he embarassed me in front of a whole bunch cute guys by singing a song about a cow (wtf?). i mean, i'm sure he didn't mean any harm but for some reason i can't help but remain angry with him. i'm just trying to relax now. life has been so stressful; school hasn't been going well, parents are irritating me. having no friends in ehrenfeld gives me too much time to think...too much time to think about how much better my life would be if i could just live someplace else. so i'm just looking at photography, reading poetry, even listening to some of my mother's classical music cds (oh, help!) but i still feel really tense. i think i need to spend some time alone. no, not like alone in my room but alone. in a place where no other people live; no parents, no school, no stress. let's just forget about life. oh...these photographs were taken by heidi johansen, a wonderful norwegian photographer.

anonymous. [September 29, 2007 | 02:11 PM] leave me a comment, anonymously. it can be whatever you please. about you, me, work, school, friends, food, music, fears, secrets, television, your goals, your dreams, whatever. just make sure it's anonymous.

clothes shopping. [September 27, 2007 | 09:24 PM] i figured i needed some new clothes today. i mean, it's not like i go out much, but one gets bored of wearing the same top, the same jeans, the same shoes (etc.) everyday. well, since nothing is available here, i decided that my clothes shopping journey would take me online. i needed something not too expensive (because lets face it, i'm dirt poor), something that shipped within the united states, and something that didn't look too horrible. i mean, i wasn't ever a stylish girl but i want to look somewhat presentable. i found Snorg Tees. it sold t-shirts, which is good, one can never have too many t-shirts, right? anyway, i was looking through the different designs when my eyes came across this: seriously, for a long time (four minutes tops?) i thought it was like a modernist mushroom, or something. then i read the name, 'i love lamp'. ohhhhhh. that's what it was. i think i'll buy this. now i'll definitely be the only person in ehrenfeld who owns a shirt displaying a contemporary mushroom! cheers to another useless post!

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